Living the art of contentment

Santosha, in Sanskrit, means contentment or satisfaction.

This word has come into my life twice in the past couple of weeks, mostly in yoga classes, but also in the back of my mind.

In my world, this word translates to the overall contentment, understanding and radical acceptance of your current situation. Regardless of what happened that day, what was said or done in the past, whatever is coming up on the horizon—it’s all ok and how it’s supposed to be.

But how could the average person just accept the fact that everything that’s wrong in the world is fine as is?

I like to consider myself a very “chill” person in all facets of life, but what’s been bugging me the most lately is how hard it’s been to get a job.

If you know me in real life, you’d think I’d be thriving in all of this freedom. And not to say that’s not true, but more than a steady paycheck, I miss writing, working on projects, and meeting with my designers every week.

There are moments when I feel a little brainwashed by our hustle culture. Especially when I think about the family connectedness I experienced while traveling abroad. Since our early years of school, the number one question asked was always, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

My answer (before I decided to become a professional writer) was a marine biologist. (I know, so weird, right?)

My answer never was, “I want to be glued in (and honestly controlled) by my laptop jumping from one meeting to another solving content problems that should have been fixed in other ways.”

So when I think about my inner child’s dream career, it still kinda makes sense. I wanted to be out on the open waters, under the sun, learning things about a life I had never known. Using my hands to discover new stuff and study how and why things changed.

I’ve been unemployed now for almost a year. In my time off, I’ve traveled Asia and reconnected with family. I have memories that I’ll carry through for years to come.

Back on the mainland, I’ve reconnected with friends and family. I’ve settled into a life that isn’t full of dining out at fancy places or filling my days with random things to do.

I sit at home and rested. I take my dogs on daily walks when I’m staying in San Diego. I volunteer at my local food bank when I live in Washington. I’ve planted things in our garden. I go on walks and talk to trees, dogs and myself.

I found things that made me utterly happy, without spending money.

My situation is the best it could be. I thankfully don’t panic about a lack of money. Although money and income can be a stressor, I’ve found ways to lean on others—or even find free things to do—to keep my mind occupied and content. My family and partner have done an amazing job at making me feel that everything in the end will all turn out ok.

That state of mind—that peace of mind—is what’s bringing ease into my life right now. And that sensation is absolutely priceless.

It’s summer time here in the states and I’m used to spending a fuck-ton of cash to travel and adventure out in the world. But I can’t tell you how content I’ve felt just resting at home with my dogs, or watching movies with my little brother, or just visiting with the people in my life.

There have been moments this past year when I asked myself, “What on earth am I supposed to be doing right now if I don’t have a steady job?” I haven’t figured it out completely, but there is happiness in enjoying your own home space, laying on the floor and cuddling your animals, and getting your hands dirty with yard work.

I know this time won’t last forever. I know 1000% that I will land a job that I absolutely love. But for now, I’m bathing in the contentment that all is completely fine.

Be there for yourself

(Originally written December 2, 2024)

The theme of my first week in Bali was to “be there for yourself.”

I guess you could say I’m here for business, a bit of work. But I always feel a certain way when I’m in Bali. This is now my fourth time on the Island of Gods. I’ve been here with family a few times and took Andy here last year to celebrate my birthday.

Next week I’ll be knee deep in wedding venue hunting, running all over the island. But this week offers a lot of down time.

Nothing to do but hang out, enjoy the town, and reset. I’ve been going non-stop since our trip to India. I’ve made an effort to see as many family members before and after our trip to Thailand. I’ve done it all. 

But this week, I magically filled each day with a wellness class, whether it be a yoga class above a rice paddy field, Pilates, or a somatic breath work class with reiki.

Today is the first day of wellness week and I went to a yoga studio that my teacher in Jakarta recommended, Serenity Eco Guesthouse.

I started following them on Instagram when she told me about them and was so excited to find them on ClassPass.

I poked around their website and signed up for their sunset flow right before reading that they’d be holding a somatic breath work and reiki workshop. 

Take my money, I didn’t even think twice about it. And I’m so glad I did it.

My latest mantra is that life is too short. Just do the thing you’ve been thinking about, without any regrets.

I showed up at Serenity a bit before class. I was with family earlier in the day and I was ready for some alone time. Not that I needed a break, I just needed some stillness.

I walked to the beach and said hello to the waves before walking past an awesome coworking space, some coffee shops and restaurants.

There’s just something about how Bali integrates nature with its living spaces that makes me want to live here.

I got set up in yoga class; the studio was lovely. It was perched above some trees, along with the pool and some guest rooms. There was a garden that explained the medicinal properties of Bali’s native plants.

The yoga sequence and flow were great. I worked on my handstand and got some personalized assists and tips from the teacher. It started to rain nearly the moment the class started. There’s something so magical about taking a yoga class outside, or just simply outside of a room of mirrors. 

I forget the moment the instructor said it but what I remember most was when he said “Be there for yourself.” It might have been when he was guiding us through inversions or during the abs set.  But something about his statement stuck with me.

Be there for yourself. 

I had some downtime before the breath work workshop so I shopped a bit in their lobby and took a shower.

I met Nicole, the breath work teacher. I’ve taken a few breath work classes in San Diego and always felt more alive after them. This class would be coupled with sound healing too so I knew I’d be in good hands.

Nicole led us through multiple rounds of breath while my body sank into the ground and seemed to float away the deeper I got into the rhythm of breath she set for us.

It started to rain again. 

I drifted off somewhere during the class. I’m not really sure where I actually “went” but I know that when I returned back to my mat, back into the yoga studio perched above the trees, I had gone “somewhere.”

I laid still for a bit, trying to soak in all of the feelings and visions of where my brain took me. I pulled an oracle card from the deck Nicole laid out. The card was all about my spirit guide.

“Your spirit guide is the personal spiritual teacher who was with you before you came to this world and began your current journey. It is the spirit who watches over your life and directs the lessons you must learn in order to grow and expand before you return to the spirit world with all your new knowledge.

“Even if you don’t know it, you have made a contract with this spiritual friend and mentor to learn together in a procession of life after life in order to add more experiences to your soul group and higher self…

“Even when your head is overfull with thoughts, your guide will still speak, this time to your heart, and you will receive a feeling that will let you know that your guide has answered you.”

I left the breathing session entranced, wanting to linger a bit longer before returning back to the world and the sounds of life. I eventually walked to one of my favorite restaurants and just sat and watched the world go by.

The next day, I signed up for a yoga class at Jiva Yoga, a studio I found on ClassPass that was just a few minutes away from our villa. I met Vena, the instructor, in the coffee shop downstairs, not realizing I showed up almost 30 minutes early to class. We chatted the entire time, getting to know each other, asking each other about our concurrent wedding plans, and sharing stories from our cultures.

The outdoor studio space was new, a covered deck that overlooked a rice paddy field below. The studio was at someone’s property so there were lots of trees and dogs to greet me when I arrived.

I was the only student who signed up for class that day, and let me tell you, that is one of my favorite surprises. I love signing up for a group yoga class just to find out I’m the only person in attendance. It happened the first time when I took a class at CorePower with my teacher friend Brooke. The attention and adjustments you receive are so special.

Vena was an amazing teacher and adjusted me often. She moved my body around so I could go deeper. Her sequence was in flow with my body and I came out of that class drenched in sweat and fully aligned. I ended up taking another class with her the next day because I loved the vibe so much.

After freshening up and meeting my parents for a quick snack, I hopped on a motorcycle to Potato Head. My aunt told me about a light, sound and vibrational therapy offered at the wellness space within Potato Head.

I arrived at Potato Head early so I could grab a juice and enjoy the property for a bit. It started to rain so I was happy to find some cover inside the Sanctuary.

The experience was other worldly. I walked into the room lined with soft curtains, musical gongs and instruments. The smell of incense filled the room ever so delicately. We all laid down on individual spaces which included a water-bed mattress of sorts, hooked up to a vibrational machine. Prismatic lights would shine above us in sequence and color that matched up with sound therapy.

Like other sound healing sessions, I’m not really sure where I went. Yes, my body was physically in a room with strangers and strange machines. But my mind. That went somewhere unknown. The experience is so hard to explain because I don’t really think you can put into words how you feel during the session. (Check out this piece I wrote right after the sound healing session.)

After our hour-long experience was over, I lingered at the restaurant awhile, really not wanting to enter back into the hustle of the Balinese streets. I ended up eating the most amazing vegan nasi campur, before eventually leaving and finding my way to a hair salon to wait out the rain.

Bali feels like home to me for some reason. Even though I’ve only been here four times, it feels like I belong here. The ability to practice movement, sound therapy, and breathwork is one of my favorite things. And to experience it on the Island of Gods makes everything that much more magical.

My hope is that I’ll always be able to come to Bali to experience new things and meet new people, even if those new people are within myself.

Ganja Yoga Teacher Training in the Midst of Covid-19: Bringing Community and Cannabis Together

It’s been 11 days since I floated down from the astral plane that was Dee Dussault’s Ganja Yoga Teacher Training in Nevada City. For six days, I was surrounded by 15 strangers as we immersed ourselves into the bio mechanics of our body and its movement, shared meals and walks together, learned what makes a great yoga teacher, and smoked some amazingly delicious, locally-grown, cannabis.

Dee teaches us allll the ways — while basking in the morning sunlight

At the end of those six days, my brain was full of life lessons and knowledge about plant medicine and our endocannabinoid system. My heart was saturated with love coming in from every angle imaginable. My body felt so nourished by the delicious food, coffee, and movement we all shared. My soul came alive after spending those six days in pure cannabliss. 

I felt the souls of all of my new friends and sisters. We created a space and community within those walls – so much so that I felt myself let go so I could walk head on into the transition that is life right now.

---

I’m not really sure what my expectation of Dee’s Ganja Yoga Teacher Training was before I arrived. Life was so all over the place before the training that I barely had time to finish all of assigned readings. I was traveling non-stop and had a super-packed social calendar the whole month prior to the training.

I wrote and edited content for Dee for a couple months and had an idea of her style and the community she’s been cultivating all these years. I was excited for a full immersion, whatever that may be. 

I packed up my rental car just as the Grand Princess cruise ship docked miles away from me in Oakland; before Corona Virus was called a pandemic; before the Bay Area was put into lock down mode. I was happy to leave my routine for a bit to get into nature, make some new friends, and smoke some cannabis with like-minded yogis.

While the entire globe was ramping up for the pandemic, we were in the forest near Nevada City, CA learning about biomechanics, getting more tuned into our bodies and emotions, and letting plant-medicine bring us all together to spark energy and conversation. Dee was our spirit and science guide as we built our understanding of the foundations of our body, relationship with cannabis, and yoga practice.

I had no idea the mess I’d come home to.

—-

As soon as I walked into our Airbnb for the week, I was welcomed into our home with loving arms. Two friends from Montreal greeted me sweetly with their beautiful accents. Dee gave me the biggest hug like we were old friends. As soon as I sat down, I lit a lovely pre-roll and started my journey far from reality and responsibility.

Our outdoor classroom outside of our Stone House

We spent the first couple of days getting to know each other, having our lessons outside in the sun, as Dee led us through conversations about our endocannabinoid system and the interconnectedness of our feet, legs, joints, and bones. She led us through nightly yoga classes and incorporated our learnings so we could drill down even further into our bodies and minds. She opened my eyes about how I stand and walk and how we could leverage subtle awareness to maintain alignment.

A visit to the Yuba River for a change of scenery

As someone who has a tough time sitting still and focusing when it comes to learning – or really anything in general – Dee invited us to move our bodies and use props as it very much enforced the learnings of constant, varied movement. We passed joints and dabs as we learned about terpenes and how they affect our nervous system. My brain and body were so zoned into the room that it almost felt like being on Adderall – with less shakiness and more snack breaks. Our minds and conversations were present and open.

The weather changed and the clouds came in as the first days passed. Our outdoor lessons eventually made it indoors as we learned by the fireplace in our living room.

By the second day, our peer groups started leading our daily yoga classes instead of Dee. One by one, my peers nervously walked to the front of our “yoga studio” to lead ten minutes of a 40-minute class in their group of 4. By the end of the first student-led class, I felt like I learned so much more about the ladies teaching class, as if they each offered a bit of their soul and wisdom in their teachings.

I was part of the second group and we were going to teach class the following afternoon. I had an idea of what to do after watching the first group and the poses I wanted to lead. Along the Yuba River surrounded by trees and a beautiful bridge, our group talked about some of the poses we could teach and expand on to speak to our learnings. I’m pretty sure I was the only one in the group who’s never taught a class or taken an official 200-hour yoga teacher training.

I was flying pretty blind. I had an idea of a sequence that would emphasize the body parts we just learned about. I knew what I loved in my favorite yoga classes and teachers. I knew that I wanted to bring an element of embodiment or mindfulness into my teaching.

I ended up taking the last part of the class and would lead my friends from child’s pose into a couple closing stretches before a juicy meditation and shavasana.

Holy shit, how did I get here?

Views from our yoga studio in the woods

It’s hard not to freak out when you’re asked to teach part of a yoga class. I’ve been a student since 2007-ish and even today, my yoga practice is ever-changing. I found some moments to myself as we drove home from our walk in the River and in my room to think about my “teaching.” I thought about how I’d want to unwind after the movement of the three sessions ahead of mine. I thought about what I wanted to express to these strangers. I wanted to show my true self, but also let the cannabis speak for me.

Our group set up the room, my three friends taught their lessons before me, and then I walked up to the front of the class to get situated on my mat. I’m not even really sure what I said or what my body did, but I found a way to teach a practice nestled within gratitude, mindfulness, and embodiment.

I remember bits of my meditation where I asked my friends to take notice of their bones and all the work they do for us; how strong their muscles were to climb up stairs and the rocks along the River we visited earlier that day; and to offer extra gratitude to their pelvis as it helps to carry them. I went a little woo and witchy with my practice, but honestly, it felt right.

---

I felt like I shed something after that class — as if all of the fear I was holding onto and my hesitancy to show people my true self left my body — and I felt lighter. Now that the scary part was over, I could dive back into the present moment where my new friends were prepping our communal dinner, sitting around our love altar reading their oracle messages, and building friendship.

There was definitely a slumber party vibe as the week progressed. There was chocolate and sweets everywhere; we all brought out our favorite essential oils and natural immunity boosting remedies to share. Girls started teaching others about their expertise – whether it was rolling joints, making herbal blends, or learning how to twerk while wearing a Harry Potter onesie.

Yes, it truly is always the quiet ones who surprise you <3

It may have been all of the cannabis, or maybe it was the divine feminine energy in the air all week, but there was definitely a moment where I looked at Dee and felt like she was our own, real-life Ms. Frizzle and she was taking us on this journey diving deep into the cells of our body to understand our bones, joints, ligaments, THC, and each other.

She’d spend the mornings blowing our minds with information about alignment, what to look when buying cannabis, and how to go within to figure out the type of yoga teacher we wanted to be. She’d lay around with us after dinner as we shared joints, while still educating us about all nine of the dabs we tried from our rosin buffet line. 

Sunlit forest walks with Maude as our leader <3

Hanging out in between lessons outside

OK, maybe it was definitely the cannabis, but it was so lovely to be enveloped by this hive of women (and my new friend Dana ;)) who had so much to offer and share with each other. We learned how to work with each other, to use each other’s strengths, and to ask for help when we needed it.

Whether it was making delicious toast and lattes in the morning, dazzling us with an amazing, impromptu zucchini bread, rolling a dozen joints for us in what literally felt like minutes, we were all interconnected.

By the last night, we had our groove going. Some of us assumed our positions in the kitchen with amazing recipes in mind, others were in their bunk bed-laden rooms creating a cacophony of infectious laughter and jokes (I love you Kels and Des <3)), the rest of us were doing our own things, whether in meditation wrapped inside the sauna bed (YES, that was a thing), or in deep conversation with their buddy.

Our last morning of the retreat was tender and no one really wanted to leave. Some friends left early in the morning to catch flights home. Others stayed back to get our Stone House back to what it was before our arrival.

I spent some lingering moments laying by our love circle sipping on my coffee, listening to Dana whistle while he put dishes away, hearing the rain tap the roof, wishing for the moment to last forever. I knew what we cultivated out there in the woods was something so special and hard to re-create.

Our windows in the living room overlooked cabins and campsites below, the majestic trees lined every trail. We had our own hideout in mother nature and I tried so hard to savor all of those moments.

---

After so many hugs and cuddles, I eventually left our hideout and finally turned on NPR in the car to hear how bad Covid-19 was tearing through the world. I stopped through Nevada City and Grass Valley as the snow started to come down and locals were out and about gathering supplies.

Snow started to fall as I drove through Nevada City on my way home

The come down back into real life those first couple of days were hard – and my longing for friends and community still continues to be a noticeable part of these shelter-at-home days. I left an environment where I was hugging new friends so hard, I could feel their breath and heartbeat, to being told to be at least six feet away from any person that crossed my tracks. The re-integration back into society has been a real trip. I miss those commune vibes we built and all those beautiful souls I met.

Gather ‘round our love circle 💓

The future is up in the air and feels out of control. But you can control your reaction to what’s going on outside. Stay indoors to prevent the spread of this disease. Find a movement or meditation practice so you can find ways to feel grounded in this chaos. I’m loving Dee’s Ganja Yoga Online courses and started taking The Class online pretty much everyday to maintain sanity and to release stagnant energy.

After taking Dee’s Ganja Yoga Teacher Training, I feel like she equipped me with all of this knowledge that I will continue to take into my everyday life for years to come. I feel like I’m more conscious of body pain because I understand how my joints and body loads can affect how I move. I’m so much more knowledgeable about THC, terpenes, and good growers so I can make more informed choices about the cannabis I’m consuming.

Eat healthy food, drink a ton of water, be aware of your surroundings, and don’t worry about how your body is changing in this new routine.

Take care of yourself and find your community — whether in a digital landscape or as you’re walking around the neighborhood. We will get through this.

Thank you, Dee, for taking us along for the ride <3

Careers and Cannabis: Setting intentions on this magical 11/11 day

In an effort to figure out what I want in my next career, I started offering pro bono work to get myself “back in the saddle” so to speak. I’ve spent the last five years writing for a big corporate company and I have missed writing meaningful, long-form content about something that matters to me.

For the last five years, I’ve been taken care of as an employee and have fully experienced the “corporate life.” The flexibility my company gives me is priceless, but I miss managing my own relationships with clients.

I miss working for a small business owner – where we’d chat over the phone, figure out what their business goals and brand voice were, and craft their story. I’ve been interviewing in San Francisco for about a year now. I’ve had dozens of conversations with recruiters; nailed down my elevator pitch of who I am, where I’ve been, and what I want next; I made it to the final interview stages with Slack and Abstract just to find out that someone else outperformed me.

After interviewing and not finding the right company that would pay me what I’m worth or offered a role that actually interested me, I decided to take back my career. Where my current gig allows me to have the lifestyle I want, I want my side hustle to inspire me again.

For my first pro bono client, I wanted to find a local, female-owned business that I could offer content writing and consulting. I wanted to find a brand I already loved. I wanted to offer my time in the form of web page optimization, newsletter writing, and content strategy.

My first client was Psychic Medium, Astrologer, and lovely lady behind Ghost of a Podcast, Jessica Lanyadoo. I’ve been helping her with content since mid-summer and am happy to say that she’s now a paying client ;) I learned how to communicate my expertise and how it could apply to her work and content needs.

In my next chapter, I want a creative content writing job in the cannabis industry. I brought on Dee Dussault, founder of Ganja Yoga, as my latest pro bono client. My thinking was that before I fully enter the cannabis industry, I’d like to show up to interviews with a portfolio of content I’ve already created in the space.

I had a high-dea one day that I’d craft my own version of a cannabis writing internship where I could offer my content expertise and ideas in exchange for some real-life practice to learn a bit about the industry from a wise sage.

Dee and I are currently working together and I’m so excited to see where it takes us.

---

I went to my first yoga class in 2007. I moved home after college and one of my SDSU friends invited me to a yoga class at our local gym. I was intrigued by this form of exercise and I moved and stretched in ways that I never had in a cardio or pilates class. And for the past 12 years, I’ve showed up to yoga to not only to sweat and move, but to be mindful of my breath, body and thoughts.

I started smoking weed before yoga classes not too long ago and since then, my practice has totally changed. My connection to spirit and the voice inside me awakens when I smoke and practice. I can breathe life into the parts of my body that are in pain. I can find gratitude in all that is around me even when my mind is anticipating worst possible scenarios in every life situation.

When my brain is overthinking, I can process and leave those issues and negative thoughts on my mat because I can see clearly after a really heart-opening class. My yoga practice is like my religion. It’s my community and I can be whatever I want in a safe space.

In a recent yoga class, our instructor asked us to set the intention of baring witness to our own practice and to be proud of whatever level we were at that day. I’ve seen how much my practice and my actual human experience has grown in the last 12 years. Because yoga allows me to quiet my brain for those 60 minutes, I return to my mat every week to check in with myself and release.

---

Dee has been teaching yoga classes and leading teacher trainings that are enhanced with the use of cannabis. Whether in the form of topicals, edibles, smoke, or vape, students come together to hang, share a smoke sesh, and practice a slow and restorative yoga class. I first learned about Ganja Yoga when my man and I went to this cannabis yoga class and I’ve been following ever since.

I went to Dee’s 10-year anniversary party in Oakland this past month. I got a sense of the yoga community that she’s cultivated. I got caught up in the haze of chatting with strangers and sunbathing on the patio. Her restorative class and the plumes of smoke I enjoyed before class allowed me to listen to my body and my heart. Her class was complete with an amazing sound bath that took my senses to another dimension.

“You’ve come so far. You’ve healed. Look at how far you’ve come since then,” my soul told me as my body sunk into the floor beneath me.

You can’t walk out of a ganja yoga class without feeling lighter and like you filled your own cup.

---

As I’ve been researching Dee and her Ganja Yoga business to help craft my content, I discovered that one of her yoga teach alums, Brittany, taught a weekly class in Oakland. I treated myself to a ticket and was excited to practice again.

I walked into the space -- an ad agency by day and cannabis-friendly art and event space by night and weekend. The sweetest man named Sam greeted me and asked if this was my first time doing ganja yoga. We exchanged words for a few minutes before I made my way up to the third floor of an old building overlooking Telegraph Ave below and across the street from the stunning Fox Theater.

Views from Ganja Yoga in Oakland

There were a few people smoking outside, others were setting up their mat and chatting with friends inside. It was a foggy-turned-sunny autumn day in downtown Oakland. The friends sitting next to my right were rolling an impressive joint and about to start a Cat Tarot spread. Intrigued, I watched on in awe. The couple down the table from me were chatting and giggling and the others sitting across from me were having an insightful conversation about cannabis and life.

These are my people. No judgement. Just love and community.

I sipped some tea and we passed around joints and got to know each other. We came from all walks of life. Ages, ethnicities, interests. At the core, we were a group of people who carved out a few hours of their Saturday to smoke, gather among friends, and practice yoga.

Brittany eventually started class and offered the intention of taking notice of the things in life we are resisting. So often, a yoga instructor will start a class with mindful breathing and intention setting. Since incorporating weed into yoga, I’ve experienced a deeper understanding of intention, my body and mind.

I am an over-thinker in all waking hours. Always thinking about the stupid thing I said on a conference call. Or thinking about my next vacation with the love of my life. Or thinking about what to pick up for dinner. I often find myself thinking for my future self and yoga has helped me get back to present. Yoga quiets my mind so that I can become one with my breath. It’s an amazing feeling and keeps me coming back to my mat every week.

Brittany led us through a beautiful flow, with a few laughs in between poses, while sprinkling in things to reflect.

Since deepening my yoga practice with cannabis, I’ve started closing my eyes during the first few poses of a yoga class. It lets me listen in and pay attention to what my body’s telling me and where it’s holding stress and anxiety. It shows me where to release.

I distinctly remember coming out of meditation and opening my eyes after what felt like 20 minutes in child’s pose. My mat was near the door to the deck where everyone was hanging out before class.

My eyes opened up to a handwritten note on a whiteboard outside:

“Be gentle with yourself.”

Be gentle with yourself. I started to tear up. After meditating on the things I was resisting the moments before, I knew the universe and voice inside me was telling me everything was going to be OK.

It’s in these moments of clarity and encouragement that it’s been reinstated that I’m on the right path. That all of the wants and choices I had in the past have led me to where I am today. It’s these yoga instructors that bring together a collective to not only have a shared experience, but to be present with ourselves.

It’s why getting closer to myself and my experience has been terrifying but exhilarating. It’s because I know I’m capable of anything I want.

---

When I was in my mid-20s working as an Editor-in-Chief of some fancy digital magazine in San Diego, I wanted to leave that job and I told myself that one day I’d be one of the voices behind a big American brand. I’m doing that today. I accomplished that goal. And now I’m ready to take on more.

The time and energy that I’ve set aside to take on pro bono clients has been striking. I have a perspective. I have an expertise. I have a voice and a strategy. I’m not afraid of what comes next.

I saw Jenny Slate perform a reading from her new book “Little Weirds” last night. Before she read her final piece and last chapter of the book, she said that while dealing with the aftermath of life, she wrote the book in order to heal and soothe herself. What a beautiful reminder that our creativity can be an outlet for healing and figuring out what we want next.

As she read the last pages of her book with the intentions she had for her future self, I leave you with this.

You will carve your own way. You will communicate your needs and desires. You will write creatively and not be afraid. You will make what you love your reality.

How I spent 60 days with Jessica Lanyadoo’s weekly horoscope and a lunar planner to deepen my spiritual practice

I’ve been on a spiritual path since my mid-20s, right before what I learned to be my Saturn Return. I always knew that organized religion wasn’t my thing so I sought out my own journey. I’m coming to terms with my overly sensitive, empathetic and analytical Cancer ways. My yoga practice has been going strong for 12 years and I’m finally able quiet my brain enough to have a quasi-daily meditation practice. It’s still in its beginning stages, but alas, I’m trying to listen and follow the lead. 

One of my goals this year was to deepen the relationship I have with myself. A guiding influence that I’ve relied more heavily on was the astrological guidance from Bay Area astrologer, psychic medium, and animal communicator, Jessica Lanyadoo.

I was first introduced to Jessica while writing a piece on the best psychics in San Francisco. We exchanged emails and I fell in love with her philosophy of pragmatics and overall tenderness in her guidance and advice. Ever since I wrote that story in 2015, I’ve been captivated by her style, words and work. While I developed my own relationship with some of the psychics and astrologers I interviewed, I was captivated by Jessica’s style and the way she views outside forces – like the movement of planets and the moon – to show how it all relates to how we perceive the world around us.

A screenshot from Tiny Spark

Over the past few months, I’ve gotten to know Jessica better through her amazing weekly podcast, Ghost of a Podcast; her appearances on TLC show, “Stargazing;” her Oracle-like iOS app called Tiny Spark; and her weekly horoscopes. 

In a way to organize my thoughts, my guidance, and all of Jessica’s juicy and insightful support, I started jotting down her sage advice in a lunar calendar. I picked up the Many Moons lunar planner and decided that I’d really start diving into the practice.

My goal was to track my emotions and feelings in line with the moon cycle and use Jessica’s advice as a sounding board. It was comforting to know that people were going through similar growing pains and Jessica’s weekly astrology run down always gave me some peace of mind.

The simple act of acknowledging where my mind wandered in relation to what was going on in the sky comforted my anxiousness tenfold. 

—-

For the past 60 days, I’ve used Jessica’s podcast and weekly horoscopes, an Oracle deck, and lunar calendar to pay attention to what’s happening in the stars and the moon – and how it all relates to my emotions and experience. Here’s what I did:

• I would listen to Jessica’s podcast twice a week if I could.

• I created a weekly ritual where I set time aside every Wednesday to read her weekly horoscope and write down what resonated with me or what I should be looking out for.

• I would open up her Tiny Spark app for guidance and to take inventory of what I felt around me.

• I used my Oracle deck for confirmation in what I was seeking or experiencing. 

• I would spark up to try and get even more present.

• And I wrote all of my notes using Jelly Roll pastel pens :)

What I love about this lunar planner is that its author speaks to those who work with the guidance from tarot and oracle cards, as well as those who are interested in new moon practices. I followed the January Full Moon Lunar Eclipse Shed and Shine ritual and I definitely noticed the power in reflecting and noticing of what you’re ready to let go of. Jessica had such sweet words during this eclipse. I wrote down things like “Do away with idealism and accept this moment as it is” and “You are meant to look at things plainly as they are.”

The Many Moons planner continues to provide me great guidance on what’s going on in the stars and planets and how I can harness the energy around me as helpful, intuitive direction through life.

The practice of tracking movement in the universe and how it relates to my experience has been fascinating and opened up my ideas of how humankind can be so affected by the ever-changing moon phases and the movement of our planets. I listened to Jessica’s guidance every week as a way to be super aware of my thoughts and emotions and how they could be amplified based on what was going on in the stars.

Jessica Lanyadoo’s Tips for Love <3

Her words were encouraging and allowed me to look at the big picture when it felt like things were going to shit. I pulled cards from my Oracle deck when I need confirmation and comfort when I felt like I was moving in the wrong direction.

Like when I made it to the final round of interviews with Slack, only to find out they moved on with another writer. I wrote down the Oracle’s advice during early January to help support my emotional self:

“Don’t be scared by perceptions of disappointment…These are just signs that the mind needs to let go of control and trust more conditionally in the goodness of life.

Or when I was feeling the intensity of the first quarter moon right before Valentine’s Day and the Full Supermoon the following week, Jessica offered wise wisdom like “Align your actions with your desires” or “Cultivate the willingness to look honestly at what you want” or one of my favorites:

“Pay attention to your body and the ways it houses your emotions. Watch your impulses so that you don’t act out of emotion or without consideration for the consequences. Acting from a place of ego will backfire on you.” 

—-

As someone who gets hung up in their own thought patterns and feels anxiety over the smallest of things, tracking the lunar cycle with Jessica’s advice and astrology has allowed me to feel like I’m not alone.

Jessica is creating a community of like-minded people who are interested in learning more about their birth chart, sun sign and the characteristics attached to it, and how our entire solar system can deeply affect our emotions and experience.

I always thought I was the only weird one in my friend circle who showed an interest in astrology, my sign, and this idea of taking notice of the environment around us for guidance. But Jessica Lanyadoo’s astrology and heart-felt advice, my lunar calendar, and an Oracle deck has absolutely supported my day-to-day and the goals I set forth. 

If there’s anything I learned in 2018, it’s that you already know what you need. The voice inside you, your inner child or spirit as some might know it most, is helping to guide your way. Whether or not you acknowledge that voice or intuition is up to you.

While you may not subscribe to the idea of astrology, it’s hard not to forget that we are all made of stardust.

Conversations about Fierce Self-Care with Riyana Rose Sang

Riyana Rose Sang sets a table full of tarot cards, crystals and candles

Do weird surprises just show up on your lap and something within you says, “Yeah, you should totally say yes to that…even though you have no idea what you’re getting yourself into”? It happens to me. Pretty often in fact. I have really good luck with stumbling across a person, place or thing and without having any sort of sense of fear, I just say yes to whatever it is and it ends up being something so beyond my belief.

I stumbled across this event in San Francisco through a sponsored Facebook post and without so much as reading its title and price tag, I decided to sign up for what turned out to the most heart-opening experience with strangers I’ve had in a long time. The event was Rosa Mystica Rising: Herbal Self Care for Witches, Healers & Creatives.

“This daylong deep dive is a devotional experience of tapping into the energy, wisdom, and healing of the earth and the energy, wisdom, and healing inherent in our own bodies and spirits, once we can find our way through the daily noise and move towards silence and deep listening,” I read in the event descriptions.

Yes. This is so up my alley. Where’s my credit card?!

—-

Little did I know that this Herbal Self Care retreat would not only teach me how to make my own herbal infused body oils and the healing powers of plants, but it also provided me with a total self-love, women’s group therapy, crack-your-heart-wide-open experience that blew me away. And it was something I didn’t realize I needed until the moment happened.

Riyana Rose Sang is an herbalist, mom, doula, and former street activist who used to get “excited to get arrested for the earth.” My kind of lady for sure. She gathered us all around and started off our day by discussing this resurgence of “witch craft” and all its forms.

Mercury retrograde memes, tarot readings, astrology, crystals. I’m guilty of all of them. But at the same time, there is some truth to the gaining interest in plant-based medicine and a curiosity for spiritualities outside of what we grew up with.

Riyana teaches us how to make our own herbal-infused oils and heart-opening cacao concoctions

We started by sharing with the group our intentions for the day. We sat around a table Riyana set with two decks of tarot cards, crystals, flowers and candles. We went around the room, we shared our names, preferred pronouns, and intentions for the day.

After a gnarly year, my intention for the day was to learn how to listen and trust myself and my instincts. And to be open to the divine connection between my self, soul and spirit.

—-

Riyana led us through a discussion on what she calls fierce self-care. It’s this idea of finding ways to nourish ourselves in order to grow, expand and connect to the bigger part of the world. We’re all experiencing this evolution of change and we’re being encouraged to confront our emotions. It’s the idea that we’re empowered to take responsibility of our own health and bring awareness to the choices that present themselves to us. And in the end, we radiate a sense of self-respect and self-love. We’re “showing up” as better people because we’re taking better care of ourselves.

Mind. Blown.

As we discussed our own ideas of self-worthiness, our group really connected over this idea of feeling like we’ve had to prove our own worth to ourselves.

—

After what felt like a heart-opening group therapy session, we started diving deeper into the stellar benefits of working with plant-based rituals. I know you’re probably thinking, “Oh, wow Nadia is going a little overboard with this hippie dippie ‘plant-based’ talk,” but you guys. Don’t knock ‘til you try it. I’ve integrated plant-based medicine into my normal routine and I can safely say (knock on wood) that I haven’t gotten sick in 2+ years. Not a cold, not a flu, no nothing. And I owe it all to:

• Listening to my body

• Looking out for germy situations to fight earlier against them (thanks to my very germ-aware work wife for pointing out how gross people can be :))

• And the oregano oil tincture that I always carry on me (which when frequently explodes in my purse makes me waft the rankest, weed-iest smell)

The makings of one of Riyana’s Nourishing Infusions

Riyana led us through a demo of what she calls Nourishing Infusions. The simple action of making a tea and letting it sit overnight creates this beautiful plant-based ritual that I totally want to make part of my morning routine. We learned these amazing things like the nourishing benefits of oatstraw, which Riyana adorably calls like a “hug to your nervous system.” Plus, it’s good for feelings of overwhelm, stress and anxiety, so count me in. Red clover leaf is nourishing to our hormonal systems and is gently detoxifying. Red raspberry leaves help balance our hormonal levels and improve the brilliance of our hair, nails and teeth.

After nerding out on plants we all shared a meal together and got to know each other more openly. Someone at our table spoke up and asked if we could all go around the table and tell each other one thing that we loved about ourselves. Everyone came up with a beautiful answer. I love this ice breaker and I’m totally going to try this in real life.

After lunch, Riyana led us through a movement exercise that was paired with the senses of embodiment and smell. We got the down low on some of her favorite essential oils and dabbed a bit on our wrists and mindfully moved around the room to her voice and soft music.

This experience felt a bit mystical to me, as silly as that sounds. But I was surrounded by dozens of like-minded women who were all relying on the healing scents of geranium, lemon, Roman chamomile, patchouli, and others to just feel what was going on in their body or the emotions and feelings running through them. I dabbed a bit of patchouli and bergamot on my wrist and kinda just moved around the room and stretched. I found myself in the corner of the room, under a frosted window. It seemed like the sunniest spot in the room that moment. I just kinda shook my body around after sneaking in another whiff of my wrist. The scents were invigorating and I felt like I was opening up a bit more while feeling what was going on in my body and brain.

After a few more moments, Riyana asked us to journal our answer to, “Right now, I feel…”

“Right now, I feel open to possibilities. Open to letting of what no longer is needed,” I wrote down.

Riyana led us through a beautiful journal exercise with prompts about how we can find more balance and nourishment in our lives. It was truly amazing to witness where my heart and soul went while I inhaled the mixture of scents on my wrist. Riyana asked us to feel what came through from the plants. I felt lightness, in both form of weight and luminescence.

After re-looking at these notes while writing this post, my answers about the lightness I felt in that moment seemed to propel me to where I am today. I truly think that my experience with Riyana’s self-love retreat helped me to get out of my funk and get me back to what truly matters.

A witches brew: Riyana’s blend of herbal oils in the front and our cacao mixture in the back. Both were delicious.

As we closed out our day, Riyana walked us through a cacao ceremony. She told us about the heart-opening properties of this plant and how it helps to bring more oxygen to your brain by opening up your veins. Before we took our first sip of her amazing mixture, we took a few moments to have a conversation with ourselves.

Yes, it sounds a little crazy, but it was so therapeutic to take a moment to listen to Riyana’s gentle voice, to ponder the next steps to our healing path, and to think of something that we’re ready to let go. My heart and soul were so wide open by this point in the day. I could feel a stream of tears coming down my cheek as I heard some others releasing pain of their own.

From there, we said our goodbyes and parted ways. Back to reality.

—-

One of the first things that Riyana told us was how excited she was because the day of the retreat fell one day after the Autumn Equinox, where day and night, along with the earth’s gravitation pull, are in perfect balance. It’s all about balance.

2018 has been a real mother’ and it felt fulfilling and right and empowering to take an entire day out for myself to focus. I used to feel selfish for doing things for myself because I was so used to pleasing others first. But now I realize the act of self-love is nothing to hide or feel embarrassed about.

The act of self-love should embolden you.

For more information about Riyana, check her out here.