Hello, old friend

It's been months since I've written. It's been months since I've been inspired enough to write. Even though I've had so many travels and adventures this year, it has been extremely difficult for me to find the time and space in my day and my brain to write. I let my job take over my world this year and because of that, I've felt a bit disconnected from the creative side of writing again. 

What happens when you're given a super high-profile project and lead role title at work and put yourself through a stupid amount of pressure, stress and anxiety when in reality, everything falls apart and nothing works out the way you thought it would? And then conflict in your personal life surfaces and then you feel you have to make that right all at the same time too? All while you pretend everything is "okay"? You break down. And I did. Hard.

My sleep cycles were all over the place. I remember a week of laying up in bed until almost 3 am just listening to the silence outside my window. I've never heard Oakland that quiet before. I remember waking up drenched in sweat one night. I dropped down to 157 pounds in a matter of what felt like three days. I haven't been that skinny since after college. And then I gained all the weight back, and then some, the following week. I couldn't focus and my memory was totally shot. I took a break from smoking. I felt manic. I felt depressed. I felt like I hated myself for not being able to shake this off. I had completely lost control.  

I let the stress of living and working and surviving in the Bay Area get to me. I noticed I was comparing myself to others who are my age and in my industry and started second guessing myself. I started interviewing. I started asking myself if there's something more out there that I needed to do.

It's been three weeks since we finished our project at work. I feel like I'm slowly coming out of the mess. My priorities in life feel like they have completely changed. I totally understand what corporate burnout feels like and I'm amazed that it only took me turning 34 and the last three and a half years at my job to be close to feeling it. But now it feels I'm in too deep. I have an insane amount of flexibility and freedom with my job to work remotely. I have proven myself to be a "valuable asset" to the company. Isn't that the dream though? To have all that corporate stability and those perks but still work from home every Friday? And sometimes every other Monday?

With all that being said, I hope that this feeling of being ready enough to write again sticks around. We went on this amazing trip to Sedona and I started writing about it and then my message started drifting to the lack of mental clarity I was feeling. I'm hoping to flex the creative side of my brain again because it's begging to get out. 

I feel like everyone I talk to these days is going through some drastic awakening or change and movement. Astrologically, there's a ton of shifting in the universe when it comes to self-reflection, understanding your truth, and learning how to react differently to patterns. Or, at least that's what I gather from all of these witchy, self-care podcasts I've been tuning into recently. 

My astrologer told me this was supposed to be a "beautiful" time for me in the grand scheme of things. And while it sucked in the moment, it's just my nature to find the silver lining with all of the crazy shit that life threw my way. Yes, it's a beautiful thing to live in the present, find gratitude, and be able to set intentions for the future. 

Here's to moving forward instead of trying to fix what happened in the past. To finding happiness in the mess. To addressing your demons and not letting them take over. To adulting. To savoring the waiting until your next big thing presents itself. To growing up and being the person you want to be authentically.

Exploring Crystal Crane Hot Springs in Burns, OR

It's crazy to think that just a few weeks ago, my man and I were on our four-day road trip across three states that I've never really explored before. Our journey from Salt Lake City to Washington had three rules:

1. No driving for more than six hours a day.
2. Leave all of life's stresses at home and let the wide open road try and soothe all of our adulting pains.
3. Hand holding. Lots of hand holding.

This trip could not have come at a better time. My man decided on a route and I just showed up for the ride. There was nothing to do but just sit, look out the window, and be with each other.  

The Pond before sundown.

One of my many favorite moments from the trip was our overnight stay at Crystal Crane Hot Springs. Leave it up to my man to find a totally rustic camping resort of sorts with a massive hot springs pond constantly heated to 100 degrees. The resort itself is in the middle of nowhere and attracts roadtrippers, campers, hikers and people on the natural hot springs tour throughout the region. Though the one great thing about the remoteness of Crystal Crane's location is that it's hard to get to and there really aren't that many people out there. The second best thing? The stargazing was absolutely stunning.

Sunset in Burns, OR at Crystal Crane Hot Springs.

My man reserved the resort's 5th Wheel for the night and I'm so glad he did. Our rental was better than glamping! Our RV was stocked with a kitchenette, dining area, TV, queen-sized bed, and full bathroom. We chatted it up with other travelers and be-friended dogs in the common living area and we grilled up sandwiches in the communal kitchen. The place was definitely quirky and I loved all of the personalities we ran into along the way.

In case you didn't bring your own tent or RV, you can rent a teepee at Crystal Crane!

The pond...The pond was magical. Small pebbles of what looked like lava rock lined the bottom of the huge pond. The water contained minerals like calcium, magnesium, potassium and silica.The spring water came out at nearly 160 degrees at the water fountain source and kept the entire pond a hot 100 degrees throughout the day and night. We took our first dip in the early evening and the hot water was amazing. There were small groups around us but we later found out that the pond closes to the public at 9 pm and only resort guests had 24/7 access. We came back to a quieter pond after dinner and soaked under the stars and clouds. And we didn't even mind the chilly and crisp high desert air after soaking.

We decided to take advantage of the resort's private cedar-enclosed bathhouse the next day. We figured before we headed out for another day of driving, we might as well treat ourselves one last time. And for $15 per person/per hour, it was a bargain. We packed up the truck and spent our last moments in a private bathhouse. The tub was at about 101 degrees but we were able to heat it up and cool it down as we pleased. We got hooked up with our host's favorite tub and we soaked and steamed before hitting the road again. Our tub was huge and the lounge space around the tub was even bigger so I could lay around when the tub got too hot.

Maybe it was the mineral water or the high desert air. Maybe it was the stargazing. But I definitely felt more relaxed and rejuvenated after leaving Crystal Crane. If it wasn't in such a remote part of Oregon, I'm sure we'd visit more often. 

Conversations with myself: Taking back the #thighgap

I've had a long, hurtful relationship with my body. For as long as I can remember, I've always known that my body was different than everyone else's. Growing up in San Diego, among beautiful, bikini-clad people, enforced this idea even more. Everywhere you looked, people were in shape and active.   

I'm a curvy woman. I have broad shoulders. I'm only 5'1. I have hips. I have thunder thighs. I have calves that men would kill for. I know that my body is different. I've had strangers, like massage therapists, ask me upon looking at my body, "Wow. Are you an athlete or a swimmer? You have big legs." I've even had a co-worker, who lacks certain social filters, call out the size of my legs in front of co-workers when I decided to wear some skin-tight rain boots one day.

For all sorts of reasons, when people talk about my body, it makes me uncomfortable. And it's been like this for decades.

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These last few months have been really transformational. I joined ClassPass because I needed a new way to sweat and workout. I ended up finding that I loved discovering new neighborhoods and fitness studios because it really got me out of my comfort zone. I found ways to enjoy workouts and stopped looking at them as just a way to maintain my weight and continue to eat poorly.

My move to Oakland really opened up my access to healthy and delicious food and markets. I found Imperfect Produce and have naturally just started eating better. And I still found ways to go on long walks around town to see neighborhoods on foot.

I started using cannabis as a plant-based tool to heal sore muscles after intense cardio workouts. I've used it to walk or hike further, push myself harder during workouts, or to go deeper in yoga classes.  

I worked through a lot of emotional pain from past relationships because I was able to take what I learned and offer my knowledge to friends who were enduring similar pain. I realized that my previous relationship caused me trauma and I felt like I was still recovering from the pain even though I'm currently in the healthiest relationship of my adult life. Finding clarity in that trauma allowed me to let go of all the pain, shed an old skin, and come through the other side as a stronger woman.

Because of these events and so much more, I recently learned that I lost 17 pounds in the last year. When I wrap my head around that, it blows my mind. I wasn't even trying to lose weight but rather I made my health and mental clarity a priority this year.

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One of my biggest fitness goals as of late is to finally achieve a gap between my thighs. It's such a weird thing to try and accomplish -- this idea of a thigh gap -- but it's been something I've focused on for as long as I can remember.

If you're a woman reading this now whose thighs rub together constantly, you know what I'm getting at here. Girls who have a normal thigh gap will never know what this feels like or how big of a pain it is. I'll spare you the details.

Throughout these past few months, I've seen and felt my body change. From mind, body and soul, I feel like a different person. I feel stronger and that I finally don't care what other people think about me or my body. I own this body and everything it's been through.

One of my biggest a-ha moments from the past year is realizing I'm stronger than I think I am. I know this because I'm finally in tune with my body. 

Last year, I met with my spiritual astrologist Joyce (yup, I'm that girl now who has a spiritual guide) and told her that I was about to go on an amazing journey through Peru. I told her about our four-day hiking trek to Machu Picchu and she mentioned how my "legs of iron" would show me how strong I truly am.

She was right.

For the first time ever, I can say that I love my body. Since taking the class with Taryn Toomey and since learning about the art of embodiment, I'm more in tune with what's going on inside of me. And I feel empowered by it. I've found myself in the shower or before bed thanking my legs for allowing me to walk to work or sweat like a crazy person during a workout. I've found moments to do this with all of the body parts I once thought weren't perfect or ideal.

Because now that I love my body, the idea of a thigh gap seems so superficial to me. I look at myself in the mirror and I love what I see.   

It took me a really long time to get to the point I'm at now. Sometimes you have to break down all of the walls and pain to see clarity and hope. 

Self-care rituals with Whoopi and Maya's Soak bath salts

I've had a serious case of writer's block since coming back from Colorado. I think I'm finally coming out of my funk now that my man and I locked down some pretty amazing travel this past weekend and that our next adventure is just a couple weeks away.

I've been focusing on self-care to help get my creative juices going again. Everything from coloring outside to getting monthly in-home massages. I've been moving non-stop since moving to Oakland and I really just needed a break.

My self-care rituals made it to the bathroom and I'm finding myself taking more baths than normal. I decided to change it up a bit and look for other ways to add THC into the mix.

I'm falling in love with Whoopi and Maya's Soak bath salts now. I've had my eye on these guys for a while now and I finally found the time to try them out. 

I poured the entire jar in my bath even though I was tempted to use just half of the 8oz. container. I added some of my own bubble bath and soaked for an hour. The bathroom smelled heavenly and my entire body just relaxed. After rinsing, my skin and hair felt like I had just left the day spa -- silky, smooth and radiant. The salts did leave an oily layer in the tub so be super careful if you try these salts at home.  

It's hard to measure how the 25mg of THC affected my bath -- since I started the bath with a small smoke sesh. Regardless, my body felt even more weightless in the tub and my brain was finally able to relax. 

My body high definitely trailed into the evening and I found myself starting creative projects while simply enjoying my own company. Afternoon baths are already a treat for me and adding these bath salts made for an even cozier and elevated experience.  

Writer's Block

It's a serious thing. It's happening but I promise there's a light at the end! Coming back soon, promise.

Gettin' into my 'hood

I finally got some quality time in walking around Rockridge and Berkeley this past weekend. I've lived here since September and this might be the first month I haven't been on the run nonstop. This 'hood is amazing. Kids play in the streets. Neighbors look up and say hello as you pass them by. There are citrus trees and flowers blooming everywhere you turn. It feels wildly like my hometown. Can't wait to sink in further.

The sun pokes through a chilly day in Rockridge as the leaves change and the kids play in the fresh air. 

How Flow Kana and Esensia Gardens kicked me out of my holidaze

Full disclosure: I got 50% off my ticket to the Flow Sesh as a returning attendee and the vendors mentioned below have gifted me products to try out after I mentioned I was a cannablogger :)

The last few months have been a bit insane for me lately. I feel like I’ve been traveling and moving around non-stop and for the first time, I feel my body telling me to just stop and take a breather. For someone who needs a lot of alone time to reset, I’ve been feeling a little mentally all over the place. This past weekend was the last weekend of the year that I’d have to myself before my holiday travels start up and I needed some time to decompress and treat myself.

Thankfully, Flow Kana was there to kick me out of my holidaze slump.

I first heard about Flow Kana’s Flow Sesh, a monthly gathering for cannabis lovers to hang and smoke, back in August and went to my first sesh in Oakland on the same day I moved.The universe must have known I needed a night to chill the eff out in downtown Oakland during First Fridays – on the hottest day of the year.

What I loved about the Flow Sesh was that I was able to talk to brand ambassadors or the actual founders/growers of a product to ask questions. When I smoke I can get super chatty so I love hearing people’s stories and passions and conversing.

Flow Sesh in San Francisco. 

Flow Kana hosted their last sesh this past Friday in San Francisco at cannabis delivery company Meadow’s SOMA headquarters. My friend and I arrived early and the space was set up with cushy seating areas, heat lamps, a bar and food area, and a handful of quality cannabis purveyors. We opted for the VIP ticket, which I highly recommend, and picked up our gift bag. Check out all of the goodies we got in the photo below.

We checked out the Himalaya Vapor table first and tried out a few of their pens. And these guys were tasty. Their varieties are as unique as the designs they have on their pens. Their cannabis oils are super pure and you can totally taste the difference. We learned all about their process and pureness of their terpenes. The brand ambassador sent me home with a couple different oils to try later so stay tuned for more about Himalaya.

Making friends with the guys at Esensia Gardens. 

We eventually made it through the crowd to the guys over at Esensia Gardens, who offer some of the best bud I’ve had my hands on. We met co-founders Ben and Marley and learned all about their ice bath hash process and how they have crafted some amazing cannabis.

You guys, this is seriously some of the best grass I’ve had. Their strains are awesome and I’m considering having a stash of their bud at all times for special occasions. What really caught our attention was their hash. I’ve never smoked it before but I’ve been curious and this environment was definitely conducive for the experience.

The spread at the Esensia Gardens table. 

We smoked and proceeded to enjoy the rest of the night. We spent a few hours there catching up and having silly conversations with ourselves and other people in the room. I chatted with my friend the next day and we both had a well-deserved deep sleep. (Thank you Marley and Ben, we needed that!)

Care for a joint rolled with a hash snake in a CBD wrap?? 

I spent Saturday morning trying out a new workout, Power Pop, a resistance training class, at a rad dance studio in Oakland called Hipline. I didn't feel like I got out all of the nervous energy I've been holding onto so I went outside to see what I could get into. The sun was out so I walked over to the Grand Lake farmers market to get some snacks for the day. I was toting around my new favorite rose quartz pipe and some of Esensia’s Magic Wand strain so microdosing and a walk around the lake under the sun seemed to be calling my name. After about three hours, I somehow managed to walk around five miles around the lake stopping a couple times to sit and admire the lake and everyone around.

Lake Merritt, Oakland

Sunday was supposed to be a day of rest. I had plans to get my hair done and then wanted to walk around a holiday street fair in Berkeley. I had my trusty pipe and the smallest amount of the Magic Wand from the day before so I was prepared to be out for a couple hours on my walk.

What I loved about this strain was how energetic it made me feel. Colors, smells and sounds were more vibrant and I was completely content with just exploring outside by myself. By the time the day was over, I had walked another six miles around town – and it was completely unintentional.

Bubble gum skies in Berkeley during my walk around town.

It's amazing what I can get myself into when I have a completely agenda-free day, a couple hours of sunshine, and a little smoke stash in my bag. I totally tried having a mellow day to myself but somehow I got a solid walk in on both days. Sometimes I think cannabis gets me out of the door faster than coffee and it definitely puts a little extra pep in my step when I'm out exploring on my own.

Stay tuned for more about Esensia Gardens and Himalaya Vapor.

Dee Dussault's Ganja Yoga now in Oakland

I’ve been practicing yoga for about 10 years and I’m always looking for new places to take my practice – whether it’s in a new studio, with a new instructor I’ve secretly been stalking on Instagram, or with a new mindful philosophy I’ve learned through my travels. From restorative and Bikram, to beachside practices and hot yoga with weights, I’m always looking for ways to shake up the way I align my breath and movement.

I take my workout and movement regiment pretty seriously. I find ways to move, sweat and workout just about every day. Since joining ClassPass and coming back from Peru, I’ve been pushing myself into all sorts of new avenues to strengthen my body. Since I’ve started medicating with cannabis more frequently, I’ve looked for ways to integrate the plant into my routine.

My relationship with yoga is a serious love affair. For real though, I haven't committed to anything for this amount of time before! I initially found yoga as a new way to stretch and workout, but throughout the years, I’ve found that yoga has touched so many other components of my life. I’ve shown up on my mat, and with the help of music and my teacher’s words, I was able to work through emotional pain. I’ve taken classes outside and was in awe of the absolute brilliance and natural connection when practicing in fresh air and under the sun. I’ve learned ways to open up parts of my body that hold all of my stress and anxiety.

Even today, I’m still learning how to be present and what it’s like to be in this body. The art of mindfulness and turning off the outside world for an hour-long practice is still something I’m overcoming. The thought of using cannabis during my practice was something I didn’t even think was an option. But alas, these two parts of my life have come together.

I first heard about Ganja Yoga while living in San Francisco. Dee Dussault was taking yoga to the next level and introduced cannabis and movement into her classes. Dee’s philosophy sparked all sorts of intrigue and I told myself that I’d eventually get one of these experiences under my belt.

Amazing photo of Jess and some fellow yogis during a smoke sesh at Ganja Yoga Oakland. Photo courtesy Ganja Yoga.

I was never able to make it to one of Dee’s Ganja Yoga classes in San Francisco because life was just too busy. You can only imagine my excitement after finding out that Ganja Yoga Oakland was coming. As soon as I saw the news, I signed up immediately.

My boyfriend and I went to Ganja Yoga Oakland’s first Sunday yoga class. The practice was held at the Oakland Cannabis Creative, a space I’ve visited a few times now with the Puff, Pass crew. Ganja Yoga has since moved to a location closer to Bart. We went upstairs and were greeted by Jess Dugan, Dee’s first teacher to spread the Ganja Yoga word.

A little something for everyone. Check out the spread at Ganja Yoga Oakland.

The group of us met appropriately at 4:20 pm and we all chatted while sharing joints and vapes provided by Ganja Yoga’s sponsors. What I love most about cannabis-friendly events is that there’s something for everyone. There were Eel River Organic vape pens, pre-rolled joints, Papa & Barkley CBD:THC tinctures, Pura Vida edibles, and pain-relieving topicals. No matter how you medicate, there was something for you.

Our group chatted and connected during our smoke sesh as the haze in the room started to become heavy. It definitely felt like we were all just a bunch of strangers hanging out and looking to share an experience together.

Eel River Organics is just one of the amazing vendors sharing their wares to Ganja Yoga students.

Jess wrangled all of us to start class right as the evening was going dark. We all spent a moment introducing ourselves and how we found Ganja Yoga. We had industry folk joining, yogis, and even a first-time yogi in attendance.    

I have to say that I was pretty stoned when we started class. I’ve only practiced yoga while stoned a handful of times and for the most part, my high would be coming to an end by the time class started. Up until recently, I never introduced cannabis into a workout so managing my high while exercising is something I’m still wrapping my head around.

And boy did my brain have a field day. It was hard for me to settle into the space. It was a new studio, a new teacher, my man was with me, and the psychoactive components were definitely overtaking my thoughts. My senses were so amplified and I felt like I was a beginner yogi trying to find my footing all over again.

Jess’ music, words and flows were phenomenal and she has an authentic teaching style. Nothing makes me happier than a yoga instructor who shares personal stories or asks a group to hold a collective intention. We continued class while I managed to separate my wildly moving thoughts and my actual physical movement.

In the candlelit darkness of the room I realized that like yoga, my  cannabis practice would need to take some time. I felt all over the place, physically and mentally. The reason people refer to yoga as a practice is because you’re constantly learning and developing. It’s not always about mastering a headstand or holding tree pose for ten breaths.

For me, it’s about hearing what my brain and my heart are whispering to me and saying thank you and goodbye to what no longer serves me. It’s becoming aware of my true self in a room in that specific moment with all of the other people who showed up on their mat too. It would have been silly for me to think that I could master all of the flows and poses in one session with a mental space that was so new.

I intend to continue this practice and I know that the mental stillness I’m so used to will come in its own time. Yoga is a tool for me to move, breathe and process whatever is going on. And I’m quickly learning that cannabis only adds to that power.

My yoga and cannabis adventure is just beginning. Stay tuned for more.

Is it weird...

That I totally love taking these photos?! So basic 💁🏽💁🏽

A day trip to Bainbridge Island, WA

Since my boyfriend moved up to Washington, I’ve looked for all kinds of excuses to explore the Pacific North West. We’ve driven up to Vancouver, Canada and explored the treetops at the Capilano Suspension Bridge. We walked out to the Dungeness Spit and looked for lavender farms in Sequim. We’ve eaten the best food, smoked the best pot, and saw the hippest strippers in Portland ☺.

That being said, one of the coziest, quaintest, totally #PNW neighborhoods is a 45 minute drive from my man’s house. If you know Grey’s Anatomy, you’ve heard of and seen Bainbridge Island. And apparently Vogue.com calls this place the Nantucket of the Pacific Northwest.

So much delicious seafood coming out of Harbour Public House on Bainbridge Island.

The trees during Spring on Bainbridge Island.

The town is teeny, it has some serious seafood, its homes are addddorable, and it makes for the perfect day trip. We first visited Bainbridge Island in the thick of Spring last year and it was beautiful outside. We took the ferry from Seattle, got some seafood from The Harbour Public House, and walked and shopped under the perennial blooms.

Heading out to Winslow Way on a beautiful fall day.

While my man had to work a weekend recently, his housemate and I, who I absolutely love, went on a wild Bainbridge autumn adventure. Matt and I were packin’ and brought along one of my favorite edibles, a mint chocolate dipped Korova cookie. With a latte, about 25mg THC entering our system, and a joint in our hands, we took Winslow Way by storm.

One of our first stops was Hattie Rose, a super feminine boutique that’s oozing French chateau and Bohemian boudoir vibes. Matt and I must have chatted with owner, Liz, for 30 minutes admiring her wares and collectively gasping at how warm and ethereal that October day was turning out to be.  

Inside Hattie Rose on Bainbridge Island.

Sunkissed corners of Liz's adorable shop, Hattie Rose.

Matt and I puttered around a little more before stumbling into the Calico Toy Shoppe. There were so many things to get our paws on and it seriously felt like I was Tom Hanks in the movie Big. A few blocks down, the stunning hunks of amethyst and rose quartz at Gilbert Thomes nearly blinded me. For someone who loves having little crystals around and on her, this place was absolutely insane and I wanted to buy everything in sight.

One of the coolest finds of the day was the Bainbridge Island Museum of Art (BIMA). Admission was free, our edibles were kicking in real nicely, and we got to spend some time admiring all kinds of photography, sculptures and paintings.

Window displays at Gilbert Thomes

Outside on the sundeck at BIMA.

We definitely managed to goof off for a few hours while my man was away working. Bainbridge Island is so stinking close to Seattle, yet such a different scene. If you Seattlites are looking for a day trip, don't forget about Bainbridge!

Conversations with Taryn Toomey of The Class

I was recently in New York for the Fast Company Innovation Festival. This conference was like any other I’ve been to. There wasn’t a massive trade show floor where industry people were showing off their latest digs or trying to acquire new customers with sleazy business practices and loads of unnecessary swag. Instead, attendees got to sign up for panels, keynotes and office visits called Fast Tracks to get into the minds and actual spaces of some really rad businesses rooted in Manhattan.

One of the coolest sessions I got to experience was titled “How Embodiment Will Improve Your Workout – and Every Other Part of Your Life.” Taryn Toomey, an amazing woman who I’m still learning about, is the founder of The Class, a fitness class focusing on movement and the mind-body connection. I’m such a fan girl when it comes to fitness and new ways to exercise and get in touch with my body. This session sounded amazing and Taryn would also lead us in her signature workout.

The New York studio is located in West Tribeca in a beautiful space adorned with candles, big hunks of quartz and crystals, as well as Chanel and other fancy cosmetic products lining the bathroom. Yoga mats were lined up in tight, a-little-too-close-for-my-comfort, rows when we arrived. (Little did I know this was all part of getting us out of our comfort zone.) I had no idea what I was getting myself into when class started but I was certainly ready for whatever Taryn had in store for us.

Crystals for daysss at The Class in Tribeca.

Taryn’s presence is tangible. She’s strong, supports those around her, and was just this force in fitness that I’d never really seen before. Our class was private and was only open to the 20 or so conference attendees who signed up. Music started, some people left their athletic shoes on and some went barefoot. We listened to our breath and started to ground ourselves once Taryn started talking about purpose and movement.

The class was unreal. There isn’t a single bucket that this class falls into. It has its own philosophy and if you’re still trying to mark this class as yoga, pilates, or cardio, you’re missing the whole point of Taryn’s passion for The Class.

The art of movement and embodiment, courtesy Jaimie Baird Photography

We stretched; we physically felt our feet on the ground by pounding them onto our mats; we matched our breath with our movement. There were times where we’d do one strenuous motion for the entirety of a five-minute song, like jump squats, push-ups, and mountain climbers. And as we all were out of breath as the last bars of the song played over the speaker, Taryn told us to hold still and be aware of our body in that moment.

In other cardio classes that I go to regularly, we use rapid movements to confuse our muscles and to make our body’s work harder. I’m usually dying after a couple minutes of burpees or running around in place. But the act of rapidly moving for five solid minutes only to place our hands on our chest, stomach, and/or heart was such a fascinating way to experience our minds and body in synchronization. Instead of normally grabbing for water, a towel, or high fiving our neighbor (which a lot of my instructors love to do ☺), we immediately listened to and felt our bodies in its current state – sweaty, overloaded, and entranced.   

The idea of maintaining a rapid plyometric, cardio movement for four to five minutes might sound crazy for those who consider themselves to be fit. Burpees for five minutes? Yeah right. But because of Taryn’s words of encouragement and the image of embodiment she conjured, we all pushed ourselves to be greater. It’s at this point that you realize that you are stronger than you think you are. And the men and women around you offer the support you need to make it through – whether it be their audible breath or words of encouragement.

Oh, and the whole image of shaking it out, dancing, screaming and grunting in The Class – it’s a real thing. There’s something so carnal about working out through whatever shit you’re dealing with while screaming and moving. It’s a release and might actually allow people to break through whatever crap they’re dealing with.

I screamed, I cried, I completely got lost in the movement and my own presence.

Taryn leading a class in her Tribeca studio, courtesy Jaimie Baird Photography

This might be the first time where I’ve worked out and actually felt my body reacting in that moment. There’s something so beautiful about getting in touch with your body and being aware of its connection to your mind and heart.

When people call this class life changing, you may think that it’s just a bunch of BS to pique your curiosity. Taryn’s inspirational words and even the stories she tells about her life and how she got to where she is today incites all kinds of emotion.

After our hour long class, Taryn sat down with us and a FastCo writer for an interview.

“Awareness is key and that’s what we’re practicing,” Taryn said. “The ability to be aware of what the mind is telling you….You are not your thoughts.”

“I’m not asking anyone to tell me what their pain is, or what brings them joy, or what their heartbreak was. I’m inviting one to experience it themselves without the narration to the other human. And in that space, there’s a lot of freedom,” she continued.

Taryn created The Class as a method to heal from her past. She describes herself as a wacky creative who thought she was just crazy. “I’ve surrounded myself with people who have told me to channel my creativity and the way I think about and experience things as a way to help people to experience things differently.”

Another reason Taryn created The Class was so that should could have a space for people to come and feel alive so they can work on themselves among a really strong community.

“We want a place where we can come to feel what we want to feel without anyone telling us how to feel it. We can be completely bold, raw, angry and fierce. We can also be super graceful, kind, subtle and feminine at the same time. That’s what the class is,” she said. “People come to the class to feel what they want to feel, process it, and live through it.”

Taryn has a deep interest in esoteric, spiritual practices that she says are better felt than seen. At the same time, she labels herself as a skeptic. Alas, she understands how to talk about energy in a way that makes sense to everyone.

“Here you are, on this earth,” she said, as she hit the wooden panels of the bench she sat on. “Here you are in this body and you can feel what it feels like.” With The Class, she brings together the idea of spirituality with embodiment.

Sweaty, grounded, and energized after a class with Taryn Toomey of The Class in Tribeca, NYC.

“For me, when you move your physical body and you apply what you’ve learned spiritually and emotionally, the unseen is felt,” she continued. “Once you feel this, it becomes real in a way where it’s not esoteric. This class is a manifestation of my life and I have the honor of teaching it to others.”

“We’re opening up a room for people to feel. Do we scream and cry? Sure. But people also breathe and become aware of how it feels to feel. Or how it feels when your ass is on fire when we’re doing 10 minutes of burpees and their hearts are beating. If you need to let some sound out, go for it!”

I asked Taryn how to bring the principles of mindfulness and embodiment to other workouts and everyday life.

“If you’re at the gym, on a run, or in a class doing repetitive movements, do what we did in here and witness the mind and notice the places where you check out. This is the basis of your starting point. Workout again and notice when you check out again. Shorten the amount of times that you check out by actively making yourself stay with yourself. Then, start noticing the other times you feel like checking out and see where the patterns are linked.”

After continuously coming to class, Taryn believes that you start to understand the length of time you’ve been thinking these things of doubt or resistance to yourself. Ideas of not being able to do something, in a gym environment and beyond, are probably really old and Taryn can bet you’ve probably been feeling like this for a long time.

“Use your movement practice to notice the feeling, physically, emotionally, and then begin to work with how long you’ve been feeling that way and start to track it. Once you get to the root of it, you start to realize the pattern,” she said.

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I was moved by this practice – physically, emotionally, mentally. The experience I had within those four walls is nearly impossible to explain other than transformative. I later went up to Taryn and thanked her for class. I told her that I wasn’t expecting an emotional reaction to her class and that it helped ground me.

The Class has set up shop across the coasts. Sign up for her newsletter and check out her site for more information.